Posts Tagged ‘Laugh’

Glycerine 101

June 8, 2010

Are you aware of the many uses for glycerine?

Stops itching. Prevents scarring. Kills bacteria. A great moisturizer. Eliminates halitosis when gargled. A stamina drink for some runners. Removes calluses. And

Glycerine is a laxative.

This is what you mainly need to know.

If you buy glycerine at the pharmacy for Grandma’s Homemade Bubbles, bold black letters on the bottle will read: For External Use Only.

This Thursday, I’m going to share my friend Stephanie’s fondant recipe which also calls for glycerine. This is a modified, edible version of glycerine found on the cake making isle of stores such as Hobby Lobby.

Let’s just say that if Stephanie hadn’t come over to help me make the fondant for J’s third birthday cake, I never would have known the difference. I never would have noticed the bold For External Use Only print on my bottle of glycerine.

Laxative.

J’s 3rd birthday party would have been very memorable, indeed!

Wal-mart Letter

May 11, 2010

So much for customer service. I tried to call Wal-Mart with a complaint but there wasn’t a phone number anywhere on their site. So, I resorted to the email contact option. I’m not complaining; the letter that came back just makes me laugh!  Exactly as it arrived in my inbox:

Dear ,

Thank you for contacting Walmart.com regarding [Fill in the blank: Example: "your damaged chair", "your late order", "the status of your order", "etc"].

If we may be of further assistance, please email us at help@walmart.com.

Sincerely,
Walmart.com Customer Care

Original Message Follows:
————————
The following message was received on April 13, 2010 08:49 AM, by the
Walmart.com Help Desk:

First Name   :    K

Last Name    :    E

Phone        :    832-

e-mail       :   

Order Number :   
Comments     :    I attempted to order pictures from Wal-Mart photo center but each time, there was an error message stating that my credit card address did not match the one on record. It said the order could not go through. I tried several times and finally ended up ordering the pictures through another photo site. The whole process took a couple of hours. After all this effort, I discovered that Wal-Mart still charged my credit card 3 times. I have no confirmation number to give you since the order never went through but I need this money credited back to my account immediately. The cost was $18 something (times 3) and it was under K E placed last week. Thank you for your prompt attention.

When You Have to Just Laugh

May 4, 2010

This week, J kept locking the door to the bathroom and then closing it so that  I had to pick the lock to get in. I told her several times to stop doing this. Then, in a final attempt to stay calm and patient with her, I said, “J, I don’t know how else I can say it. Stop locking the door. If you do it again you will be disciplined.”

N genuinely wanted to help. He responded in earnest, “Mom, you could say it in Spanish.”

Superstar!

April 27, 2010

N’s school spring musical was last week. Just look at this picture. See how close the photographer was? Yeah, we’re good parents. We were there early and sat on the 4th row for our son’s performance. I took that picture from our seat.

Ok. I’ll be honest. We are usually not on time. For N’s last school performance, we were in the balcony. For his church choir performance, I was sandwiched in between so many parents and grandparents, who had no doubt come early to get good seats, that he couldn’t find me after it was over. He ended up getting to ‘body surf’ the congregation when he made it to the back of the sanctuary while I was still helplessly waving at him from my spot in the designated parent section. I had tears in my eyes as other adults picked him up and passed him back to me as I thought about all the hands that will shape his life, pointing him to Christ in the years ahead.

Back to the Superstar performance, the ‘laugh’ of the night was when I was dressing N for the performance in the school’s bathroom. Somehow in the conversation, I told him that we were there early. He froze. The look of shock on his face was priceless! He was so excited when I told him we would be sitting close!

The truth of the matter is, it was only a coincidence that we were there early. But, you know, I’m going to turn over a new leaf. I’m going to try to start being one of those parents that arrives early to get a good seat. Sunday night is his church choir performance so my resolve will be tested soon. When we say ‘we’re early’, N won’t be surprised!

N’s Take on our Crazy Day

April 20, 2010

If you waded through yesterday’s long and rambling post about our crazy Saturday, today you get the punch line.

As we drove out of the small town Kwik Lube with our new inspection sticker, a burden was finally lifted. J and I were full of joy and wanting to celebrate! We turned up the radio, were giving high fives, and laughing.

N asked, “What are you guys so happy about?”

J replied, “Our sticker! We finally got our sticker!”

N replied, “I don’t know why you are so happy about that sticker. I don’t even like it that much.”

Stupid Mom. Bad Dog.

April 13, 2010

I gave Ernie a bath on Sunday. My plan was to bathe him Sunday and then give him a hair cut on Monday. J won’t let me cut his hair but Ernie doesn’t seem to mind.

This picture was taken just after Ernie’s bath.

There’s a huge dirt pile in the back yard right now. I don’t know exactly what I expected him to do after the bath. Stupid mom. Bad dog. N and J sure thought it was funny! Not me.

Not a Laughing Matter

April 6, 2010

I hope you don’t think I’m a bad mom after reading this post. Sometimes I let N and J play outside by themselves. Our gate is padlocked shut and I always keep the door or a window open so I can hear their voices. Today, I was folding laundry, facing the window where I could see them playing. I looked up to check on them when I noticed it was quiet. Quiet is never good. This is what I found:

N had singlehandedly unhooked the swing and brought it around to the location in the picture. He was telling J to hold it for him so he could swing. She was obediently doing what he asked. You may be thinking, “Why did you snap a picture, idiot!?” The camera happened to be right beside me and I snapped simultaneously with my hollering for N to grab hold of the wood slats and not swing.

How do they think of this stuff? How do moms know just when to look up? I’m so thankful this ended the way it did!

Unusual Laws Around the World- Part 2

March 30, 2010

Welcome to another installment of unusual laws from our community newsletter. These are worldwide. Don’t use this as a vacation guide!

*It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

*It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down.

*In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.

*In London, Freemen are allowed to take a flock of sheep across London Bridge without being charged a toll; they are also allowed to drive geese down Cheapside.

*In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day.

*In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman withing the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

Rodeo Day Mishap

March 16, 2010

One of the activities at N’s preschool rodeo day was for the kids to stamp their name on the side of a cow to learn about branding. One child had as longer, more difficult to spell, name. Nonetheless, he set out with enthusiasm to spell his name. He was on track for the first couple of letters but soon thereafter, either became confused or just gave up. Then finished product?

Confiscated immediately.

A Conversation to Remember

March 9, 2010

Baba was helping J eat breakfast on Sunday morning. He lovingly pushed her hair out of her face so she could eat.

J said: “Baba! You look like you want to marry me!”  (darn. too much Little Mermaid.)

Baba: “Well J, I’m your Baba. I can’t marry you. Your going to marry someone else.”

J: “Who am I going to marry?”

Baba: “I don’t know. You will pick when  you get older.”

J: “Will you pick for me?”

Baba: “Sure.”

This conversation is forever recorded. J, when you’re 16, we’ll remind you that you asked your Baba to pick your husband! :)


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.